in the past one and a half years, i really changed a lot. loneliness changed me, the need to be brave and deal everything by my own self changed me. 

i used to find lichien or weikei when i need someone to talk to, when i'm sad and need friends to be with me badly. or maybe have a night talk with my sis. i wont now. not because of i have a bf now, cause i wont tell him either when i'm sad, i'll mostly just listen to music, cry alone.  i somehow became even more withdrawn than i used to be. 

probably because of i need to do most of the stuff in college on my own, i got used to not bothering others if possible. so even if i need someone to talk to, i wont find you guys, i'll just cry it out, cause i dont want to bother you all, we all have our own life, and our own problems to be dealt with, i dont want to be an annoying friend. 

可能我们变陌生了, 我竟然觉得不好意思. 

when i become more independent, i become lonelier. and the lonelier i am, the more depressed i am. 

whenever i am with you, i can temporary be the real me, the dependent one, the less lonely and depressed me, you might sometimes think that i am so annoying, but i really cant get used to being alone, i tried, i really can't do that. i'm not you, dont mean to be sarcastic but you started learning it since you were young, you actually spent more than 10 years to learn it. you cant expect me to be as independent as you. we all have different family backgrounds, different lifestyles which created different personalities. you cant really expect me to be like you when i didnt pass through what you've gone through. Just like you cant be as realistic as i am, because you never gone through what i had, you dont know what had happened to my family, those i never tell you. 

well, gone way too far, bye.