27 january 2016

me again! well i felt so much when reading yuwen's post updated on the first of jan, felt like as if only she knows me, she does know how i feel, the loneliness, the feel when you actually have bunch of stuff to do yet you can still feel so empty down in your heart. which always make me dont feel like doing anything but just sitting in my place, keeping quiet and staring at the trees outside through the window. that actually makes my feel better.

i just feel like i've wasted my time on studying, yea, i actually used ''wasted''. when i think back what i've done last year, it's sarcastic that only two words came up -- working, studying. how dull is that... owh yea, and a short get-away with jekzgnmg and budbud. yea, that would definitely be the only thing that i would smile when i recall.

people may think that i'm so clingy when i'm with you, my family may think that i always go out or meeting you once i got back home from hostel, but they never know the reason of me being like that. my family loves me, i know that, but when i need somebody to take me out to get some fresh air, buy me the things i want, eat something ive been craving for a long time or bear my temper, only you are the one who actually be by my side. i do feel lucky and blessed, i'm blessed to meet someone like you who can actually do something that even my family and best friends couldnt do for me. ( i dont really expect them to do it for me tho ) maybe it's because that my parents have four daughters, i can only got 1/4 love at most from them, jekzgnmg has 7 members and each of them have their own new friends, i could only get maybe 1/10 love from each of them. but you, i'm the only girlfriend of you, evn if after taking ur family into account, i could actually get 1/3 love from you. thats why i like to be with you. ( love can actually be calculated isn't it ? )

when i grow older, i can see clearer. i know clearly that who's good to me and who's not. i get used to how people being so hypocritical in the college. i know how realistic can a person be. and i'm starting to become one of them. i dont want to, but life push me towards that path, i can do nothing but only to accept myself to be a hypocrite, for which i actually hated the most, in order to survive, extraordinarily. you might think i sound exaggerated, i watched too many hk drama? well, now you dont, but you eventually will, believe me. only when i'm with you, my family and jekzgnmg, i can be myself, the real me, the one who always want to be pampered like a baby, desperately...


life is short, just live it the way you enjoy... easy to say isn't it ? :)